You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say that I am Yours
Lauren Daigle had a chart stopping hit called, You Say. It was a powerful song about how, as humans, it is easy to believe the bad and not what is true. Our world is constantly bombarding us with images and sayings that make us feel like we are not enough or do not have enough. We live in a society where it is normal to constantly compare yourself with others. It is easier to believe the bad than it is to trust in the good. It reminds me of when I first started here at the church.
Last year was a rough year for my family and me. I had a great job at a software startup in Post Falls. Then in the middle of summer they laid me and 8 other people off. I was devastated. I was also scared and humiliated because I had never been let go of a job. I was already struggling with depression and this pushed me further down. I was able to get a temporary job that helped us pay our bills but my depression was getting worse. I did not want to get up in the morning, did not want to get out of bed, just wanted to watch Netflix all day. When I started disconnecting from my family then I knew I needed help. I reached out to Eric and he agreed to meet me for lunch.
At lunch I told Eric that I felt like God was done with me. I felt like I was a total failure as a father, husband, friend, and basically every aspect of my life. Even though I felt hopeless I wanted to change. One piece of advice he gave me, that made a huge impact, was to do things I did not want to do. For instance, I did not want to get up early and read my Bible or did not want to watch a kids show with my youngest girl. When I started doing things even though I didn’t feel like it, things began to change. Instead of checking out from my family, I became more invested. Then two weeks later I responded to an interview to be the Office Administrator at Cedar Hills.
One of my biggest fears that I had to get over was to trust in who God said I was. Imagine the fear that I had, two weeks out of debilitating depression, to then working alongside such awesome men and women of God. I was not sure if this was God’s plan because I thought you could only work at a church if you were super spiritual. At first it was rough for me to not compare myself to everyone but what got me through it was knowing that I am a man of God. Everyone has things they are working on and I am not unique in that.
But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.
1 Timothy 6:11
What I love about that is God says Timothy is a man of God. Even if he did not feel like he was a man of God, he was. That’s what I love about God. Even if I do not feel like I am a father or husband it doesn’t change the fact that I am both. The world will try to break you down and tell you lies but we need to hold onto the truth and know that God has called us sons and daughters. And knowing that, we can hold our heads high.